How the French
Actually Greet Each Other

Bonjour Is Not Optional

If you take away only one thing from this guide, take this: in France, you say bonjour before you say anything else. Before asking for directions, before ordering a coffee, before asking a shop assistant a question — bonjour comes first. Skipping it is not seen as casual or efficient; it is seen as rude, full stop.

This applies everywhere: entering a small shop, stepping into a lift with a stranger, approaching a stranger on the street, calling a business on the phone, even (some would say especially) walking into a doctor's waiting room, where you greet the room generally. The logic behind it is simple — a greeting acknowledges the other person as a person before you make any kind of request of them.

Bonjour is used from morning until roughly the early evening. After that, switch to bonsoir. There is no hard cutoff — use your judgement based on whether it feels like day or evening. When leaving, au revoir is the standard, polite farewell in almost any situation.

The Bisou — Understanding the Cheek Kiss

The bisou (or la bise) is the cheek-kiss greeting exchanged between people who already know each other — friends, family, and colleagues on friendly terms. It is not a real kiss; cheeks touch (or nearly touch) while a kissing sound is made in the air. It is absolutely not romantic and carries no such connotation between friends, family, or acquaintances of any gender combination.

The number of kisses varies significantly by region — this is a genuine source of French regional pride and occasional confusion even among French people themselves. Two kisses (one per cheek) is the norm across most of France, including Paris. In parts of the south, west and southeast, three or four kisses are common. When visiting a new region, it is entirely acceptable to simply follow the lead of the person greeting you.

The bisou is not used on first meeting in a professional context — a handshake is correct there. It is also generally not used between men who are not close friends or family; a handshake remains standard between male acquaintances. Between women, and between a man and a woman who know each other socially, the bisou is very common.

Situation	Appropriate Greeting
Meeting strangers / first professional meeting	Handshake
Friends and family you know well	Bisou (2, 3, or 4 depending on region)
Colleagues you know but aren't close with	Handshake (bisou only if already established)
Greeting children	Bisou is common, even from adults who are near-strangers to the family
Shopkeepers, waitstaff, strangers in the street	Verbal bonjour only — no physical greeting

Tu vs Vous — Getting the Register Right

French has two ways of saying "you" — <em>tu</em> (informal, singular) and <em>vous</em> (formal, or plural). Choosing incorrectly is one of the most common ways learners inadvertently cause offence or awkwardness, because the choice signals your assessment of the relationship and the other person's status.

As a general-purpose rule for visitors and learners: default to vous with anyone you don't already know well — shop staff, waitstaff, hotel staff, strangers, older people, and anyone in a position of authority. Move to tu only once invited, or once the other person has used it with you first. In France, it is generally the older or more senior person who initiates the switch to tu, though this is loosening among younger generations and in casual industries like tech and startups.

You may occasionally hear On peut se tutoyer ? — literally "can we use tu with each other?" — which is a warm, explicit invitation to drop the formality. Accepting is easy: simply say oui, avec plaisir (yes, with pleasure) and switch to tu from then on.

Entering and Leaving — The Full Ritual

The French greeting ritual doesn't end with hello. There is a complete structure to entering and leaving social and commercial spaces that, once learned, makes every interaction smoother.

• Entering a shop: Say bonjour to the room or to the staff member nearest you, even if you're just browsing.
• Being served: A brief exchange — bonjour, ça va ? (informal) or bonjour, comment allez-vous ? (formal) — is common before getting to business, especially in smaller, independent shops.
• Leaving a shop: Even if you didn't buy anything, say au revoir (and often merci, bonne journée — thank you, have a good day) on your way out.
• Ending a phone call: Always close with au revoir — hanging up without a verbal farewell is considered abrupt.
• Leaving a group: If you're leaving a social gathering with several people you know, it is polite to say goodbye individually to each person present, not just call out a general farewell.